Tuesday, March 30, 2010

channeling fear and confusion into faith and confidence

I haven't blogged for a while because I have had quite an eventful month. March Madness really lives up to it's name. Over the past couple of weeks I have had a number of changes occur, some of which I had control over and others that happened as a result of others choices. To say the least I have been deeply humbled. This post is for all of my readers, who I know may not all share my faith, but perhaps share some of my feelings.

I'd like to compare what I been feeling the past couple of weeks to hall of mirrors. Several reflections of myself looking back at me, but I am confused about how to get out of the hallway and which path to take once I get out. It's not til someone shatters one of the mirrors that I can see where I came from and where I should be. When we are faced with heartache, fear, confusion it often can lead us to questioning how we got there, and what we could have done differently, and sometimes leads us to feeling inadequate. The fear and confusion creep in and the mind chatter wont stop.

So what do we do? We can stay there for a while, looking only at that reflection, or we can look in another mirror. We can see ourselves a different way. This requires faith. This requires believing in something that we may not see in ourselves or for ourselves. Faith in turn gives us confidence to face our fears and also our desires. This is not to say we shouldn't feel or question. But we do have a choice as to the paths we take in our lives. The scriptures tell us,

"Cast not away therefor your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward"
(Hebrews 10:35)

On a more personal level I went to the Salt Lake Temple with my mother on Saturday. I went there with a heavy heart, grieving a loss in a sense. I had so much chatter that I could hardly concentrate but all of the sudden within the walls of that quiet temple I had a profound thought. My tears subsided and my mind stopped racing. The thought was, "Holly, sometimes you are not supposed to understand. But your faith will get you through this and I will take care of you!" I believe this thought was directly from my Heavenly Father, His way of getting it through to my head that I am not going to always have the answers and understanding I am searching for, but I must believe in His Plan of Happiness and go forward with Faith that He knows all things and wants the best for each of His children, which fortunately includes Me.

There are still a lot of uncertainties in my life, but I can not begin to tell you what a difference it has made to know that as I remain faithful I will achieve what this life has in store for me. I have to believe that in order to cast away the fear and anxiety that come from feeling inadequate. I literally feel like that confusion is being channeled into confidence as I pray to God for help and look to Him for direction. I have stopped trying to find the reasons why and that one thing alone has given me the opportunity and energy to move forward. The reflection I looked at today was one of hope and opportunity. I feel like I write this over and over, but I am truly lucky to have had the experiences I have had, and relationships that I treasure. My family and friends are amazing darlings and I hold all of them close to my heart. I will write more often and keep you posted on how this faith and confidence lead into my future.

I am so looking forward to General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints this weekend. I know I will be enlightened further and gain much from the wisdom of those who speak.

I am also delighted that it is Easter, and that I can turn my thoughts toward the Savior and His incredible sacrifice.

Have a lovely Easter Weekend!