Monday, July 6, 2009

some honest venting

Ok, this is mostly for my lady readers, because I know some of you are going to understand what I am saying and feeling. Let me preface by saying most things in my life are going don't be worried that a couple things are weighing on my mind. I just feel like expressing what I have felt lately.

Do you ever feel like no matter what you do to improve it's not good enough? I have been feeling like this, especially when it comes to my own body. I understand that I am a child of God, I understand that my body is a temple. But do I love the body I was given all the time? Not so much.

I feel like my body is the one thing holding me back from my potential. I excercise nearly everyday, whether running, swimming, hiking, rollerblading or going on walks. I eat lots of fruits, vegetables and proteins. But it doesn't seem to make any difference. I usually only eat desserts on occasion, but it feels like I shouldn't have any. I gave up all types of soda and juice completely and only drink water. No matter what I do, my body stays the same or seems to be the thing that isn't great. Sometimes I don't like my body at all, and I get embarrased to see people that I haven't run into in ages. I want different arms, a new stomach, leaner legs, leaner everything and a more defined collar bone.

I sometimes am upset that I was given this body. I wonder why I didn't get the ballerina frame or the gymnast muscles, or the nice jaw line or the fast metabolism. But after thinking that, comes the guilty feeling that I should love the body I was given because it is healthy and God created it. I feel like I treat my body well, why can't it treat me well? Isn't this supposed to be a give and take relationship?


Morrena Harris said...

Maybe, you need to trust more, and realize that everyone has a "mountain" to climb. Keep on keeping on and you know where that came from, eating right, sleeping right, and a good attitude and yes, just love what you got! You are on the right track. You have a beautiful face and a strong will, I love you for that!

jacey said...

Oh Holls, you are so not alone in your thinking. I wish I was taller, had bird legs, and minus some freckles. I can't change any of those things! I think they are the bane of my existence so that when I get to heaven and have Paris Hilton legs, perfect skin, and a few inches in height I will really appreciate them! But honestly, I've never noticed those negative things about you. Whenever I think of you, I smile because of who you are and the way I feel when I interact with you. Love ya! ps- good luck in Connecticut!